28 Things Every Bouldering Beginner Thinks About The First Time They Try It
Bouldering is awesome. Seriously awesome. It challenges the body. It challenges the mind. It…well…it’s just rad, and if you think differently – you’re wrong. You’re just wrong, OK?
Bouldering for Beginners | Everything You Need To Know About Bouldering
So, maybe you’re a bit of an old hand when it comes to bouldering. Or maybe you’ve only been half a dozen times. Maybe you live at a bouldering centre, and the owners of the bouldering centre haven’t found out yet. We don’t know. What we do know is that everyone who considers themselves to be a boulderer were rookies once upon a time. There’s always a first time, after all. Remember yours?
This, right here, is what’s happening inside the head of every single bouldering beginner.
1) How much chalk is too much chalk?
2) Can I go yet, or is that person too close?
3) I don’t know what to do with my feet
4) I don’t know what to do with my hands
5) OK. Keep your cool. You got this
6) Remember your very brief training
7) Alright, I’m bouldering. I’m literally bouldering!
8) It might be on the easiest grade, but who cares?
9) I AM BOULDERING. I AM A BOULDERER
10) Right, so how do I get back down?
11) I think I might be stuck
12) Yeah, I’m definitely stuck
13) No need to panic, I’m sure there’s…
14) …OH GOD. THERE IS LITERALLY NO WAY DOWN
15) Help
16) HELP!
17) Why can nobody see that I’m in desperate need of help?
18) Might as well face it. I’m up here forever now
19) I am going to grow old and die on this bouldering wall
20) “Jump,” they say. Hahahaha! There’s no way I’m jumping
21) I am quite tired though
22) Maybe I should just jump?
23) Fuck it. I’m just going to jump. Goodbye cruel world
24) AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!
25) Oh, well that was remarkably painless
26) Bouldering is fun. Let’s do some more bouldering.
27) Hang on
28) Who the fuck is that, and how did they get to be so good?
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