23 Questions Snowboarders are Sick of Being Asked
1) “Do you really need two snowboards?”
No. No I do not. I need many, many more than two
2) “And why so many beanies?”
Why do you have so many SHUT UP
3) “Don’t you get cold?”
You’ve kind of answered your beanie question yourself now, haven’t you
4) “I like snowboarding as well. I love that Shaun White”
Give me another name. I dare you
5) “So, how exactly do you get up the mountain?”
I either fly up using my magical mind powers, or I get the ski lift
6) “Is the ski lift free?”
Err…
7) “YOU SPENT HOW MUCH ON A LIFT PASS?!”
You’re preaching to the choir here, amigo.
8) “Can you do tricks like that?”
A quadcork? You think I can do a quadcork?
9) “But you can do, like, one backflip, right?”
You’re asking that from a loving place, right?
10) Why do you wear a hat all of the time?
Why do you dress like a TopShop spunk-cup all of the time?
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11) “Why are you so obsessed with Japan?”
Please stop talking
12) “Wouldn’t you rather go on a nice beach holiday?”
No, because people like you will be there
13) “When are you going to grow out of it?”
I’d punch you in the face if it wasn’t against some moral and ethical code
14) “Can you ski?”
Can you not be a wang?
15) “Have you seen Chalet Girl?”
Is that the film with the annoying prick asking stupid questions?
16) “But, you can’t actually snowboard in the UK, so what’s the point?”
There are some very angry people looking for you
17) “I bet you have tattoos, don’t you?”
I think you’re confusing the act of snowboarding with being the human Lil Wayne
18) “I bet you like Metallica, don’t you?”
I actually hate the swagging rock scrotums-cysts only a little less than I hate you right now
19) “Aren’t snowboarders just a bunch of pot-heads?”
Christ, Mum! For the final time, I thought it was oregano!
20) You know snowboarding’s a fad though, right?
Yeah, they said that about the computer as well, didn’t they.
21) “Why do you all wear such silly clothes?”
You do know you’re wearing what you yourself describe as a ‘unitard’, don’t you?
22) “Don’t your trousers fall down, being so baggy?”
Almost as much as your gran’s knickers ‘fell down’ during the war
23) “Will you be alright getting the button lift?”
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