Why learning to lose is the key to winning in soccer

Competition gives us so much to learn from, especially when we lose or don’t get what we want. We live in the days where everyone gets a participation trophy or ribbon. To me we need to teach kids how to lose. What happens when these kids grow up and find out that the real word isn’t so kind. How will they know how to handle getting beat down by someone better? Nobody wants to lose, but at some point we all do. It’s not the plan we want, but in the end we all need to know how to handle both winning and losing. Note: This post contains some affiliate links for your convenience. Click here to read my full disclosure policy.

The last few articles targeted parental & coaching behavior at the pitch, which is important, but we can’t leave out how the players need to behave. Learning to lose and deal with things that are or seem unfair are vital. All players need to take ownership and recognize that they can’t always use an excuse and blame a coach, referee or other players. Everyone has a choice to make and sometimes it is very difficult. There will be times we make the wrong choices, but if we know how to both win and lose no matter the circumstances we end up winning in life.  

Learning to lose in how we carry ourselves

At the end of the day this game is for everyone and we want the players to learn how to act on & off the field. I want the players to understand how much their parents and coaches care about them, and to learn how to deal with situations at different moments during practice & games. It’s a great way for them to learn about life as well as learning to lose. Now don’t think learning to lose means that it’s okay and not to care when we lose. I am more saying that when we lose we have to know how to carry ourselves to protect our own personal brand, as well as our team.

What every athlete should have in common

One thing most of us have in common is we don’t like to lose. I personally don’t even like to lose in a game of ‘Candyland’ or ‘Chutes and Ladders’, which are totally pure luck BTW – NOT skill games. So for me I know I am a straight competitor because honestly my heart rate goes up when I start losing in a fun harmless kids game. So for those who are this competitive there is hope, because I did find out that learning to lose is important and that the key is you have another chance next time to come out on top.

I think learning to lose is something most people have to learn to do in terms of how to act after losing. It’s hard to control the emotions inside and to this day, I honestly have to watch how I act and what I say. I don’t want people to know that it makes me feel like that. Same with winning – act like you’ve been there by having good sportsmanship.

Ages 6-10 learn to control emotions through sports

From what I see in training these young athletes is that sports are great for ages 6-10 because in this stage they progress SO much in maturity. Players need to take responsibility to work hard every day at the easiest and most difficult times so they build good habits. If they can learn to not use an excuse & to control emotions at this age, then they will be well rounded in their adolescent & adult years.

Taking ownership of your mistakes

Even at the college and pro level, players need to learn how to be a soccer player. This means you have to take ownership of your own mistakes or even deal with unfair situations and prove yourself. Everyone can always improve and play better so instead of complaining and using excuses that your agent or coach is not helping enough, how about the player just play better at practice and in games and not lose the ball as much.

There are also times we are doing everything right but good things don’t come out of it. I encourage players to understand that not every season is going to go great and that you just have to keep working hard and get through the tough times in your career and keep working hard on and off the field so that when opportunity comes you can be ready.

Respect your coaches when you disagree

Learning to lose is not just in games, but also in communication breakdowns or normal sports confrontations. Sometimes we feel like we lost a battle when a coach yells at us in front of others. Respect your coaches no matter what and listen to them even if you disagree because they are your boss and even if they are wrong it is your job to act like a ‘professional’.

By all of this I mean show up on time, listen to them, work hard every day, don’t use excuses, keep your business private, like the teammates you don’t like, set goals, be a leader. You don’t necessarily have to do everything they say, because they might be in the wrong as we all make mistakes. So use your head knowing what’s right and wrong and stand up for yourself when needed because we have to have respect for ourselves as well as others.

Mistakes I made as a player that help me now

As a youth player, college player & a professional player I personally made mistakes not only on the field but off the field. Making choices on how to treat a coach, other players, clubs are important and are going to reflect in your actions. For example, if you get pulled out of a game for poor play, come off and support your team even if you’re not happy to be on the bench.

I remember times getting pulled out of games for poor play at every level & would then have poor body language on the bench, just to show the coach my feelings towards him. I felt that I was one of the best players so why are you taking me out. Looking back on that I wish I would have acted like a ‘professional’ not a sulking baby. Not only did this make me look bad by acting sour, but if I would have learned sooner than I would have not made as many mistakes later. It’s the same with most players from time to time.

For the youth athletes and even college athletes, they need so much in terms of learning to lose. Youth need to be taught, reminded and encouraged on how to act like a ‘professional’ so you build good habits sooner. This in return will give the athletes better relationships with everyone going forward.

Why learning to lose is the key to winning

1. It hurts & we often learn more from experiencing pain
2. Not fun to see others celebrating their wins in front of you
3. You don’t have to like your coach to learn from them – consider them your life’s sandpaper to smooth your rough edges
4. Character comes from trials & pressure, not ease
5. Strength is built upon resistance
6. Growth cannot come from always winning. Winning feels best when you’ve experienced defeat.

Knowing your identity

I remember reading an article about a guy who hit rock bottom and couldn’t get back up until he found out that he was not in control. Just like so many other stories, it started off with a kid who grew up in a small town playing basketball. He had always worked hard and had people [parents and coaches] in his corner building him up and motivating him. Long story short he ended up achieving his final goal, which was to play D1 college basketball. The team was ranked top 25 and so his goal was to make it to the big dance NCAA tournament. One day he got a phone call to look at the news and what he saw was his dreams fall apart, all because of what his teammates and coach had done.

In this time he changed and started to party, which in that ruined his ability to play the way he needed. He blamed other people and he blamed God for what had happened, so decided to make bad choices. After he got his life back together, he ended up coaching high school where he could impact so many other kids and families. One thing he was doing before, was putting his identity in basketball, instead of who is was. We are not just athletes, we are people who have great ability to impact others in how we act. Think about what you will do if your sport or passion is taken away from you. Most of us don’t get to do exactly what we want, so start thinking about life after playing sports. This way you are better prepared when that times comes.