The ‘hero soccer coach’ [& how to save yourself]

I hear from soccer parents about how their kid’s hero soccer coach is speaking or acting out of line. Meaning the coaches who yell or whisper garbage in practice & games about what the player should be doing better or “how did you make this team?” Don’t let the ‘hero soccer coach’ ruin your experience. There are tons of great coaches, but I am afraid there are more bad coaches. Bad meaning not caring about the development or relationship with the players. Some just want the easy money and lifestyle. Note: This post contains some affiliate links for your convenience. Click here to read my full disclosure policy.

This is not only soccer this includes all the sports. Now I don’t have a problem calling these coaches out, because there is no right for them to speak like this to kids of any age. If they want to behave like this they need to try and coach Semi-Pro or Men’s League. Please don’t put up with these antics from the hero soccer coach or any sports coach.  There will be times you might have to play for one, but learn from the situation and know there’s always next season.

The good coaches

The good coaches and the cool coaches know who they are and this is not directed towards them, but there is a hero soccer coach in every league rec to select.  Maybe this has already happened to your daughter or son or maybe your child is still young and hasn’t experienced this yet but I just want you the parent or coach to know, so that you can think about how to react to this if it happens to your child or player.

I even hear from good coaches who tell me about the bad coaches and what is said in games. If it’s me I would want to know so I can teach my own daughters how to have self-respect.  How to set limits & boundaries, & to choose what to let roll off of them & when to address a problem or change a situation.

Also, I want them to know how to be leaders for others on their respective teams in dealing with these issues. On a good note, this will teach your kids or friends how to prepare for life, because we all know that everyone goes through chapters in life where situations are similar and we have to deal with people like this.

The foul mouth soccer coach

When a hero soccer coach or adult goes as far as telling a 13 year old girl they need to get their head out of their a** or that they “don’t know how they made the team” is wrong so don’t put up with it.  I would encourage a parent to meet with the coach to let them know your family with don’t accept that kind of talk because your child has too much respect for themselves.

Also, make a point to ask them for a highlight video or a pic of them playing college or pro because most of the coaches never played a higher level than their players. I’m not saying a good coach had to play at a high level…  I’m just saying that a coach who didn’t play at a high level should be the last person to yell & act like a donkey.

Coaches do what they do for one of 3 reasons:  they love coaching & have a passion for the game, to support their own kids in pursuing an interest, or for themselves in a selfish way.

A coach’s priority should be the kids’ futures, not building their resume. Our training is about building the youth, not our portfolio or resume. This is my business, my passion, and I want every kid at every level & age to say that soccer [& all that’s included] was good to them.

The hero soccer coach

Then I also hear from parents that their kids coach tells them that Private individual soccer lessons don’t work and kids don’t need them… WOW – that’s what you call a First Class Hater. There are coaches who run group training on the side, that try to discourage parents from getting private individual training. The reason is because they want players coming to their group training to make their wallets fat. Or they don’t want you to get private lessons because they will feel inferior to the private trainer who is the one really making improvements in the kids skills.

Why do pro athletes have Private Trainers? To get better! So why would a youth player not develop from Private Lessons? Now can you do the same drills in a Team Setting as a Private? Yes, but you’re not getting near the amount of quality touches or reps that the player needs to improve in a certain area, nor the encouragement & instruction players need.

I have even seen and heard of coaches who will go on the soccer forum and ‘play dumb,’ posing as a soccer parent, and act like Private Lessons don’t work and that the Team Coach should be working on skills in practice. The only reason this kind of person would do this is because they are jealous & they know they don’t have time to do the privates so they try to sell their own “skills training.

3 reasons a coach would want to conceal or say private training doesn’t work

1. GREED: They are ‘hero’ coaches who want to be the only one to develop his/her players & are jealous of private technical trainers.
2. CONTENTMENT: They know they are not developing the players because they don’t do the right training or put in the right energy. This is either because they don’t know or they want to take the easy route and just let the kids do the same practice routine over and over. AND they know that if someone else does work with the player the right way, the family will see the immediate improvement and wonder what the hero coach was doing. [BTW – other trainers do this too & then try to take credit for development of player…that article is coming soon.]
3. FEAR: The coach who doesn’t want their better players to improve even more because they will end up leaving the team at some point to join a better team or league.

Sad to say but it’s true how people are so you have to Love the Coaches who tell their players/parents to find outside club training and find ways to develop them outside of team practice. Remember that it’s volunteer for so many of these coaches – & they are GREAT for the kids & the game!

Some questions to ask about your coach or new coaches

• Is your coach getting educated?
• What license do they have?
• If they say they played professional or collegiate, in today’s internet, you should be able to make your own accurate investigation of the truth of their statements. [I personally define a professional who makes their sole living from their income with a team.]
• Semi-pro, futsal, indoor soccer…great opportunities & players but not professional sports players [although, granted, indoor soccer players, 10-20 years ago, made great money & players like Tatu are legends].

Why do I go off about these things?

BECAUSE THESE ARE OUR KIDS & THE LITTLE THINGS MATTER BECAUSE THEY’RE INDICATIVE OF THE COACHES’ CHARACTER. If they’re not honest about the little things [& guess what? There are some great coaches who didn’t play but they own their giftings & are great at coaching & they’re honest about their not playing at a high level] then they won’t be honest about the BIG things.

Maybe my perception is naive. But I think this is important. I never played in the English Premier League – & I don’t tell people that I did. The exaggeration would be bad for business & ruin my reputation or smear my character. Instead, I am honest about [& proud of] where I did play. I played at a high level, made a good living, & also made some poor decisions too.

These have made me who I am & my story so rich & compelling for the kids I mentor. No one else can be me… & I don’t try to be someone else. But there are others who aren’t satisfied with their stories and so they change it.  This dishonesty that should concern a parent when this ‘professional’ starts berating & humiliating their kid.