How to Draw a Penalty as an Ice Hockey Goalie
Instructions
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1
Begin a game with a stick that is 66 inches in length (63 inches is max).
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2
Leave the crease during a brawl to cheer on your team mate during his fight. (Goalkeepers must remain in the crease during an altercation.)
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3
Decide that you really like the "baggy" look and wear an XXXXXXXL jersey. (Goalies are prohibited from wearing oversized jerseys.)
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4
Bat the puck into the tenth row of spectators so that you can catch your breath. (Goalies are prohibited from intentionally batting the puck out of play.)
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5
Use your blocking glove to give an opposing forward a face wash because he has scored a hat trick on you two games in a row. (Goalies are prohibited from striking opponents with the blocking glove).
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6
Build a three-inch mound of shaved ice across the front of your crease--a sort of snowy moat to help your defense. (Goalies are prohibited from piling ice or snow in the crease.)
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