How to Pick the Kentucky Derby Winner Every Time

They say that gambling is a fool's paradise, but by using a little savvy you should easily be able to select the winning horse at the Kentucky Derby every year.

Instructions

    • 1

      Names are crucial in backing the proper pony. Come on, who's gonna win, a horse with the moniker 'Greased Lighting' or 'Lazy Turtle'?

    • 2

      Make sure not to bet on any of the horses you drugged in the paddock with quaaludes.

    • 3

      Hire that 'horse whisperer' dude to interview the field of horses and get their take on things.

    • 4

      Bet on every single horse. Talk about beating the system!

    • 5

      Put your money on the fastest horse possible. Oh, you already were considering that? My bad.

    • 6

      Don't bet on a moose! They may look pretty fast, but a moose has never won the Kentucky Derby.

    • 7

      Avoid betting on any horses with a troubled background. In other words, you need to back one that comes from a 'stable' environment.