23 Times Nicolas Cage Summed Up Perfectly How It Feels To Be A Snowboarder?
Because the internet is full of bored, mouth-breathing arse-brains (not you, dear reader. No. Those people *points at other people*, they are the bored, mouth-breathing arse-brains), back in 2013, there was an entirely false rumour doing the rounds that Nicolas Cage had died in a snowboarding accident.
He may have flopped many, many times – have you seen the remake of The Wickerman? It’s truly dreadful. Abject, even. Made worse, of course, by the fact that the 1973 original is so bum-clenchingly glorious, but let us digress no further.
He may have flopped many, many times, but he’s is alive, well, and enjoying life to the full. So, to redress the balance, we examine the times when Nicolas Cage perfectly summed up snowboarding
1) Your very first line of the season
2) When you ride away from an icy landing
3) When you land something you’ve been trying for ages
4) When Shaun White gets a perfect score in the 2012 Winter X Games
5) When the shop monkey shows you how stiff your new powder board is
6) When your buddy lands something that you know you can do switch
7) Getting jazzed on the transfer to the resort
8) When Cody Townsend and his filmer beat you to riding a couloir in Alaska
9) When your mate Perry claims he also rode that couloir in Alaska
10) When the liftie tells you that you’ve missed the last gondola down
11) When you come home and you find out Cher has moved your snowboard next to a radiator
12) When your mate suggests doing a season in Klosters next winter
13) When you have to work after a fresh dump
14) When you realise it’s Billy Morgan on the lift next to you
15) Getting your mind right for the first kicker of a trip
16) Actually riding up to the kicker
17) The first time you saw Halldor’s roof gap from Never Not
18) When you buddy comes up with a spurious excuse for not dropping in
19) When somebody starts asking awkward questions about the month you claim you did in Niseko when you were 12
20) When the lifts close for the final time in a season…
21) … and all of a sudden it starts dumping in May…
22)… But then you remember you have a splitboard…
23) …Giving you access to the freshest lines all season, that nobody else knows about
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