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1) You wear a beanie all year around, even in the summer
2) You picture this when somebody mentions a fish
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3) You challenge friends to “Name the video part” when Paranoid Android comes on the radio
4) You think nothing of having a goggle tan
5) You skive off work watching webcams to see if it’s snowing anywhere, instead of playing CandyCrush
6) You’ve tried to explain to every boss you’ve ever had that you can’t possibly work on a powder day
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7) Even though the powder days in Wakefield are few and far between
8) You own a £60 iron that’s never been near any laundry
9) Your bedroom carpet is covered in hard blobs of wax
10) You know where the Bec Des Rosses, Little Jarvis Glacier, and Wildseeloder are, and how many metres high each one is
11) You’re bad at maths, but can instantly work out any multiple of 180
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12) You don’t think Jackson’s Hole is something children in the 1980’s were terrified of
13) Your main issue with hoverboards is that they don’t go sideways
14) You’ve spent more on snowboards than you have on your education
15) You care more above the helmet debate than you do the abortion debate
16) The staff in your nearest board shop know your name (because you’ve been going in since you were seven)
17) You own enough pairs of gloves and beanies to equip a small army for a week on the slopes
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18) The names Terje, Nico, Xavier, Halldor, Silje, and Stale all mean something to you
19) Especially Silje
20) At night, you dream of Alaska
21) You have at least one pair of camo print snowboarding pants
22) You have new gear sent in to your workplace so your other half doesn’t know how much you’re spending
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23) You’ve scoped all of your local hills, gaps, and rails, on the off chance that it ever snows enough in the UK
24) The first thing you consider when buying a car is whether it’ll fit a board in the back
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